I still don’t know what it was exactly that led me to do what I did. I don’t think I needed a reason. I wanted to do something fun, dangerous, sexy, and stupid.
That’s really all there is to it. I won’t attempt a more elaborate explanation. That would be as pointless as Joe’s pompous excuses. Snooty and high-sounding as they were, those never really told me anything.
What I do know is that, at age 39, I am single again, living in a rented apartment in the city.
I had to find out the hard way that the cliche is overworked for a reason. Older married men do leave their wives for younger women. Joe left me two years ago for one of his colleagues at work – a woman in her twenties.
Unfortunately, we never had children. So I was alone and in a bad place emotionally and mentally. Every single man I’d dated since the divorce had done nothing for me.
My self-esteem was at an ebb, and I had taken to crying myself to sleep. When I wasn’t sad, I was bored. I don’t know which was worse.
In better times, I would have been spending most of my afternoons outdoors. But I was stuck indoors like everybody else, mumbling to myself as I puttered around my apartment.
The window had become the center of my existence. I spent hours looking through glass at the quieted courtyard below my apartment, watching the trees shed white flowers to make way for sprouting leaves.
Little else happened on the other side of the pane.
I watched the news, slept, woke, ate my meals alone. I continued to make a modest living writing for a number of women’s health and fitness websites.
Writing doesn’t pay much for middling talent, and I am no Sylvia Plath.
The apartment I currently call home reflects my limited abilities: a two-bedroom affair with brick walls, yellowing ceilings, and mismatched furniture.
Don’t get me wrong. The place is by no means a dump. But it’s definitely a far cry from the Midtown East apartment that used to be my home.
I had kept mostly to myself from the moment I moved in to the new apartment in the fall of last year. Most of the other tenants in the building are yuppies and hipsters, as far as I could tell.
I became acquainted with two, in particular, during the height of the lockdown. Derek and Todd worked for a startup software development company downtown and had been friends since college. I met them the day they moved into the vacant apartment directly across the courtyard from my living room window.
That afternoon I was returning from a scheduled lunch meeting with prospective clients who had cancelled at the last moment. I bumped into the building’s new tenants in the stairwell.
I’d heard them talking somewhere in the floors above before I actually saw them.
Curious, I had glanced up from the landing at the sound of their descending footsteps. Both men looked to be in their 20s. I smiled behind my face mask but made no eye contact as I edged myself past them on the steps.
“I know her,” one of them said behind me. “I’d recognize that behind anywhere.”
I stopped and turned my head. “Pardon me?”
“I meant to say I’ve seen you before,” said one of the young men. “We used to go to the same gym.”
“Oh, really,” I said, rotating on my heels to face them. I thought about confronting him about the remark, but times were tense enough as they were. I just wanted to get back to my apartment. “You went to Old Duke’s?” I said instead.
My new neighbor nodded.
I could see the relief in his eyes. He was about six-foot-two with brown hair and eyes. Half his face was covered by a homemade mask, but I could tell he was quite attractive. His body was certainly impressive. I wondered how I could have missed him at the gym.
“Yeah, you work out like a champion,” he said, rising a few steps to meet me. Two merry dots of light shone in his eyes as he offered me an elbow bump. “I hear this is the correct way to shake hands now,” he said, chuckling. “My name is Derek.”
I smiled as politely as I could, then realized he probably couldn’t see it. We touched elbows. “I’m Dina,” I said. “You guys just moved in?”
“That’s right,” Derek said. “This here is my roommate, Todd.”
The other gentleman had dark, spiky hair and was leaner – perhaps not as athletic. Sweat basted what I could see of his handsome face. His snug jeans showed off a shapely behind.
“Hello, neighbor,” he said with a little wave of the hand.
I looked at them both for a moment. “You two are,” I paused, “together?” I said in as casual a tone as I could muster. The two looked at me, seemingly puzzled.
“You guys are a couple?” I blurted.
They both laughed. “No, no, no,” Todd said, shaking his head quickly. “We’re old buddies and we’re sharing an apartment is all.”
We all laughed a scratchy, nervous, inexplicably awkward laughter. We chatted a bit about the neighborhood, nearby places to eat and such. They seemed like nice, decent young men, but I’d had enough of the awkwardness and wanted desperately to escape.
“Well, I’ll see you guys around, I guess,” I finally managed to say after a while. “Welcome to the building, by the way.”
With that, I quickly turned continued up the stairs. I’d already gained the landing when I remembered how the skirt I was wearing tended to ride up my thighs when I used the stairs. I wasn’t wearing a pantyhose, having decided that morning to go with just a thong instead. If my new acquaintances were still on the steps below, then they would have seen quite a bit of skin had they looked up.
The next moment must have unfolded within a second or two. I stopped, tugged the hem of my skirt over my thighs, and glanced down. In an instant everything paused, and in the next instant everything shifted. The first thing that struck me was how quickly the expressions on my two new neighbor’s faces had changed. They were obviously grinning like little boys and both were quite flagrantly leering up my skirt.
Even more startling was that I found the attention wildly exhilarating. I had pretended not to notice, though, not for any reason other than I didn’t know how else I should have reacted. Collecting myself, I stepped out of the stairwell and onto the hallway, closing the door behind me as though nothing had happened.
My first encounter with Derek and Todd made quite an impression on me. I was unable to think about anything else all day.
My mind kept rewinding to the scene in the stairwell – the looks on those two young men’s faces. What should I have done? How should I have reacted? God knows I wasn’t at all offended. Still, should I have pretended to take offense?
I was still giddy with excitement late into the night. I stared at my naked self in the full-length bedroom mirror, admiring the lithe brunette with shoulder-length hair gazing back at me. I’d been exercising obsessively since Joe left me, trying to beat down loneliness with long, exhausting workout routines. Now I was in the best shape I had ever been since I was in college.
My thighs were firm and taut, my legs smooth and shapely, my belly flat as a board. I had to admit, I was glad Todd and Derek had seen me the way I was seeing myself in the mirror. I’d been waiting for a long time for someone to look at me that way again. That was the truth.
I had been a wild girl before my marriage. I remembered the crazy parties and the drinking, the sleeping around with random men. I was that girl – the one who fed off masculine attention. I learned that about myself early on.
Once, on a night out with my college friends, I had performed at a strip club on a dare. I found that I enjoyed baring my body to a roomful of strangers. I was so wet a patch of dampness was visible on the front of my panties.
Those were fun, exciting days. I don’t think I’d ever felt as carefree and happy.
Standing there in front of the mirror, I decided I deserved something like that again. I needed to feel that way one more time before age took away everything my body had to offer. Derek and Todd would be my unwitting accomplices.
Does that sound foolish – perhaps even a little crazy? Maybe it was. I don’t know.
Years from now people will look back at these strange times and come up with all sorts of theories as to how they might have affected people. Until then, there is no denying that the weeks that followed were an absolute joy for me.
Keeping track of my new neighbors was easy. Few – if any – ever left the building, given the situation in the city. Todd and Derek were no exception. In fact, I soon became so familiar with their habits I could bump into either of them – or both – on a schedule.
Of course, I arranged our “chance encounters” so that my motives were never obvious. Our exchanges were friendly but short, and I usually tried to look as though I needed to be elsewhere.
By then I had seen both Derek and Todd without masks. Quite by coincidence, we had all gone out to get tested for the virus one weekend. I found both men attractive in their own way, I suppose.
Derek was the more handsome of the two, although Todd seemed to be more charming.
Things began to change after that one chance meeting. Thanks to my new acquaintances, I started wearing nice lingerie again: skimpy lace panties, peekaboo undies, thongs, silk slips, and thigh-high cashmere socks. That perked me up from the get-go.
I had forgotten how much I loved dressing sexy rather than sensible.
Gradually, as if by osmosis, I began to dress like my younger self. By that I mean my fashion choices tended toward the more revealing. I grew particularly fond of tight t-shirts. I usually paired those with short skirts or cutoff denims so tiny they couldn’t cover the bottom half of my behind.
The women in the building didn’t take too kindly to my make-over. I would go down to check on my mail and I would find looks of condescension and ridicule waiting for me at the lobby. But my renewed taste for barely-there clothing received quite a warm welcome from my two new neighbors.
I was particularly delighted at how Derek’s eyes pounced at my breasts each time he saw me. I had a blast letting my boobs jiggle a little inside my t-shirt when we passed each other in the hallways.
Todd, on the other hand, was definitely a leg man. I made sure he got an eyeful of my gams each time we ran into each other in the laundry room. He did his laundry on Saturday mornings. Not surprisingly, I just happened to develop the habit of doing my own laundry on the same day.
On one such occasion, I plucked the courage to ask him why I never saw any girlfriends come around to visit.
“Surely, you two would have no problems with the girls,” I said as I bent over to stuff my whites into one of the machines lined against the wall.
Todd sighed, shook his head slowly. “Yeah, this lockdown is keeping my girl in her apartment,” he said. “Derek’s girl lives across the river and hasn’t been out to visit since the stay-at-home order, either.”
“That’s too bad,” I said without turning. “So, what do you guys do, cooped-up in your apartment all day?”
I knew he was checking me out from behind. He was just three or four feet away, sitting on the long metal bench parallel to the machines. Our proximity was deliciously tantalizing.
“Oh, not much,” Todd said. “When we’re not working, Derek holes up in his room, and I play video games.”
“Well, that and we drink a lot,” Todd said, chuckling. I could tell from his voice that my shorts were achieving their intended purpose.
“It’s kind of sad, though. You know, two dudes drinking, thinking about girls.”
“Is it?” I said. “I wouldn’t mind having a few drinks myself from time to time,” I said, shutting the door on the machine.
I whipped around in time to catch my young neighbor’s gaze trailing up my legs. “I don’t like drinking alone, though,” I told him.
Todd looked up at me, coloring slightly at being caught. “Yeah, that’s doesn’t sound so fun,” he said. “Why don’t you come join us one evening?”
I smiled at him, and he gave me a big grin in return.
“That would be nice,” I said. “I’d like that.”
I had practically invited myself over, and it was obvious.
“Here, give me your number,” Todd said, retrieving his phone from his pocket. “I’ll text you an invitation next time Derek and I crack open a bottle of bourbon. You like bourbon, Miss Dee?”
I took his phone. “You sure Derek won’t mind me coming over?”
“Mind?” Todd said, looking to check if I was serious. “Are you kidding me? We’d love to have you over.”
I added my number to his contact list and handed him the phone back. “Should I bring anything?”
“Just your lovely self,” Todd said, looking at my face appraisingly. “But I have to ask you something.”
“Ask away,” I said as I lifted myself on top of the washing machine. Smiling expectantly, I sat with my legs crossed in front of him.
Todd straightened up, looked at me, and breathed in. “Derek and I have been your admirers since we moved in,” he said. “You haven’t found our attentions,” he paused, searching for the right words. “You don’t mind, do you?”
The washing machine began to fill with water. I could feel it vibrating against my crotch and buttocks. “I hadn’t noticed,” I lied. “But I guess boys will be boys.”
For some reason, my reply seemed to intrigue Todd. Did he see through me? He tipped his head to one side and looked at me, his face full of wonder. His lean but well-shaped biceps showed under his white t-shirt. I glimpsed a patch of skin beneath a rolled-up sleeve, lavish with tattooed scales and the tip of a forked tongue.
Was it a snake? Maybe a dragon? My hands wanted to roll the sleeve up to find out, to touch his skin and feel his masculinity under my fingers.
“You don’t mind being watched?” he said after a while.
How deeply did I blush? I could feel heat on my cheeks. The implicit sexuality in his question was unexpected, but Todd’s careful – almost cautious – demeanor caught me.
“I find it flattering, actually,” I said, looking away to avoid his gaze.
“Well, that’s certainly generous of you,” he said, chuckling. “I’ll be sure to text you next time we decide to get pissed, then.”
“Good,” I said, nodding. “I’d like that.”
Back in my apartment, I spent the rest of the afternoon dithering between jubilation and dejection. My conversation with Todd had left me in an even more heightened tizzy. I realized that I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to happen. I was sure I was at least 15 years older than both men. While that had previously excited me, it was now a source of gnawing insecurity.
Had I made a fool of myself, flaunting myself so shamelessly to men who were so much younger than me? Were Todd and Derek simply indulging a sad, lonely divorcee? Should I act cross if I never got an invitation?
In any case, I didn’t expect a message any time soon. In fact, I was looking at twenty minutes worth of dishes, forks, and knives in the sink when my phone buzzed later that evening. My heart skipped a beat when I saw a notification for a private message.
I popped the app open. What I saw first on the screen was a bare-bones profile without a photo. But the listed name made the sender’s identity obvious: YourGawkers302. The message made me squeal with glee: “We’re on for tonight.”
I typed out a message with thumbs that were unsteadied by excitement. “What should I wear?” I wrote, ending the sentence with what was hopefully a wholesome, smiling emoji before pressing send. The last thing I wanted was to appear too eager.
I had just put the phone down on the kitchen counter when the phone buzzed again. I opened the app to the message. I laughed on reading, “Wear something short.”
I fired back. “Care to be a little more specific?”
“Wear something that shows off your best assets.”
I bit my lower lip, thinking. “You mean my punctuality and diligence?” I teased.
Grinning like an idiot, I watched the three dots bouncing at the bottom of the screen with rapt attention. “Just bring your pretty self over, please,” came the reply. Then, seemingly as an afterthought, my correspondent – Derek or Todd? – sent a little red smiling devil emoji.
I thought about sending something equally naughty, then changed my mind. I replied with what passed for a blushing emoji, instead. I then headed for the shower.
If the walk to the other end of the building seemed long, it was only because I was already soaked with anticipation. I had shaved my crotch bald for the first time while I was in the shower. Now every step was sending wave after wave of almost-pleasure throughout my sex. The sensation was so maddeningly distracting I had to pause halfway to my destination.
“Crap,” I muttered. “Mother of all crap.”
Confident I wasn’t being watched, I pressed my hand to my crotch, grinding the butt of my palm against my clitoris through my dress and panties. The momentary relief seemed to clear my head.
I resumed walking, the clicking of my spiked heels against the floor reverberating in the hallway. A cat paused halfway across the corridor up ahead. It looked at me for a moment, then continued noiselessly into the shadows.
I could hardly believe what I saw when I checked myself in the large, rectangular mirror over the far end of the hallway. I looked like one of those leggy, dolled-up hooker characters on TV. Black mascara and heavy black eyeliner outlined my eyes. The lace push-up bra underneath the red mini-dress I wore made my breasts surge above the neckline, making my cleavage look soft, deep, and inviting.
Should I go back to my apartment to pick out something less trampy?
My dress was so short I was obviously begging for it. I thought about it for a moment, but realized I couldn’t dawdle any longer than I already had.
Still filled with doubt, I walked to the door to apartment 302, willing my trembling legs forward.
“You’ll be fine,” I whispered to myself. “You can always leave if things turn out bad for you. Besides, it’s too late to turn back now.”
My palms were clammy. My hands were so cold the skin on my fingertips were shriveled into prunes. But it was not just fear I was feeling. I was petrified, yes, but also thrilled. I was more thrilled than my body could endure. I blew out a long, steady breath to calm myself, and then I knocked.
The door opened and I found myself looking into Derek’s cheerful brown eyes. A thousand butterflies fluttered in my stomach. “Hey there, neighbor,” I said. “So, I hear this is where the speakeasy is at?”
“Oh my,” Derek said, his expression brightening as his eyeballs travelled from my face to my breasts. He looked quite ravishing in a buttoned-up black shirt and khaki slacks. “You look extra hot tonight, Dee. Come in, come in, please.”
I stepped in and looked around. The apartment was plush, deep, and dimly lit. I caught the thrum of electronic dance music, the smell of cannabis purposefully alight. My heels sank into thick green carpet as Derek led me to the living room.
Todd was in his usual t-shirt and jeans, sitting on a black, leather-upholstered couch behind a coffee table in a corner of the room. He looked relaxed and resplendent, fresh from a shower. “Hey there, hottie,” he said, smiling. “Glad you could make it.”
I was too nervous to say anything. Instead, I squeezed around the table to join him, sinking into the sofa until my knees came up almost my breasts.
“It’s not like I have anything better to do,” I sighed, managing a smile.
“All right, let’s get this party started,” Derek said, clapping his hands in the air once.
He strolled into the kitchen and emerged moments later, three glasses hooked in the fingers of one hand, a bottle tucked under his arm.
“I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been dying for a drink all day.”
He set the glasses and the bottle on the table and thudded onto the bean bag opposite us, his muscles bulging in his shirt. He was as big as a mountain. I was sure he could see right past my inner thighs and down into my undies from where he was sitting.
“Do the honors, man,” he told Todd, motioning toward the bottle.
Todd took the bottle, cracked the seal off the lip, twisted the cap off, and made a libation, pouring a little out on the carpet. I then watched the rich, honey-colored liquid flow, gurgling as it swirled into the glasses, one after the other.
“Here you go,” Todd told me, sliding a glass across the tabletop.
I wondered whether either man had noticed how much my hands were trembling. I was so nervous I thought my heart would explode.
I took a sip from the glass, rolled the grilled tangerine taste in my mouth, then let it go down into my belly.
“That’s wonderful,” I said, feeling a warmth settle my nerves almost immediately.
“Glad you like it,” said Todd, grinning. “Good Lord, you look absolutely scrumptious in that outfit, neighbor.”
Two or three rounds into the bottle and any misgivings I’d earlier had were washed away in a bourbon haze. My whole body seemed awake, alert, alight. Old feelings began to surface like new leaves emerging in spring.
“So, whose is this?” I said, smirking at my hosts from under the brim. “You guys had company recently, evidently.”
“That’s not recent,” said Derek. “I think that belonged to my ex.”
“Leave it on,” Todd said, grinning. “It looks good on you.”
I can’t pinpoint the moment when I decided to take things to the next level.
What I do remember is that – at one point – I looked down to discover Todd’s large, masculine hand on my bare lap. No big deal, but I found the sight extremely erotic.
I looked up and was about to say something – I don’t know what – when Todd pulled me toward his mouth. We kissed, plunging into each other with a fervor that took me by surprise.
Our tongues touched like two snakes inside the meeting of our mouths. He tasted of fresh, minty mouthwash and bourbon. “Slow down,” I demurred, licking my lips as I sank away from him. “Let’s talk about this …”
Todd pressed on despite my protests, leaning forward to kiss me again. This time the kiss was deep, swirling, and lascivious.
I sighed and parted my legs when I felt his hand move toward the moisture between my thighs. I was astonished at how easily I yielded control of my body, how readily my flesh welcomed the intrusion. My hips practically shot forward to accommodate him.
“You like to be watched, don’t you?” he whispered into my ear as he probed inside me.
“Yes,” I said softly, my body buzzing with delight. “Yes, I do.”
“We’d like to watch you.”
Under any other circumstance, I would have thought the suggestion creepy. But not that night. That night I found the idea too deliciously debauched to resist. I actually moaned upon hearing it.
“What do you want me to do?” I said, looking into Todd’s eyes with ferocious excitement. Both men straightened up as if joggled by a charge of electricity.
“That’s all up to you,” Derek said, gesturing broadly at the apartment with two hands. “Do whatever you want, wherever you want. We just want to watch you for a while.”
“And then what?” I said. “I don’t want any surprises …”
“Don’t overthink it,” Todd cut in. “We’ll all three go wherever it takes us.”
I had expected some kind of instruction, some suggestion as to how to proceed. The notion of choice threw me off, but I decided to roll with it.
“All right,” I said. “But I don’t want any pictures or videos of me floating around the internet after tonight.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Derek said. “We won’t have any of that.”
I deliberated for a moment, then I stood up. The situation was absurd, I knew that, but I zeroed in on how I had felt at that strip club many years ago. I wanted that feeling again. “I’ve got one more condition” I said. “No touching until I say so.”
Both men nodded their heads eagerly, looking up at my face. “No touching,” Todd repeated.
I met the gazes of the two members of my audience as I undid my dress. I recalled a porn video I had once seen, which gave me an idea.
With slow hands, I peeled the dress slowly over my breasts and let it drop to the floor, exaggerating my curves as I did. My every move seemed to captivate my spectators. Their eyes were practically glued to my skin, and I loved it.
Breathing in, I unclasped my bra and flung it aside casually. My breasts bobbed out into the dim open air, and my audience pressed in on me. I imagined the memory of my naked body would be fodder for late night masturbation for years to come. I found the idea extremely arousing.
“Oh, my God, you’re even hotter than I imagined,” Derek gasped. “It’s so nice to finally meet you.”
I noticed how Todd’s face had reddened. That quickened my pulse. I felt the frantic throbbing in my sex. I pushed past him and ambled toward one of the doors beyond the kitchen. My audience stood up and followed.
“Take the door to the right,” Todd said. “That’s my bedroom.”
I swung the door open to find a room in cozy disarray. Sauntering toward the center of the room, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in the corner. What I saw excited me even more. I don’t think I had ever looked as good for anyone ever.
“I think it would be a crying shame if we didn’t use such a lovely bed,” I said, taking the hat off my head and flicking it toward my audience like a frisbee.
“Go ahead, please,” Todd said, catching the hat. “Do whatever you like.”
I felt my audience’s eyes on me as I crawled into the middle of the large bed in my heels and thong panties. The silvery white comforter was luxurious and alluring. I lay on my back, fanning my hair out around my head.
“No touching,” I said again, smiling. “Touch me and the show is over.”
I spread my legs out in a luxurious motion. Then I raised my knees and crooked a finger at my audience. The two men moved from the doorway toward the bed. Todd stood off to the side while Derek positioned himself at the foot of the bed. They were so close I could touch their knees if I wanted.
My mind was racing. By now, I was so wet my thong was drenched. The air in the room felt enticingly cool against my vulva. I closed my eyes and slowly let my fingertips trail over my nipples in a circular motion. The sensation was electrifying. My nipples quickly hardened into pink crests of flushed flesh.
Already, I wanted to reach down and bury my fingers into myself. But the idea of creating anticipation filled me with an unspeakably perverse excitement. I wanted Todd and Derek to devour every inch of my skin with their eyes.
I took my time, heaving and rolling my hips, letting my fingertips snake a slow line from my thighs to my navel, then around my breasts. With every motion, I heard my spectators’ breathing catch and falter.
My eyes fluttered open and I saw Todd standing there, flustered, trying to look casual. The sight of the bulge in his jeans made me moan and squirm. I felt at once cheap, dirty, and thrilled beyond words. I thrust my hips up and began to sway. Todd shifted his weight on his legs, reached down into his jeans to arrange what I desperately hoped was an erection.
Finally, I could stand no more. I slid my panties down over my thighs and ankles and kicked them off the side of the bed. Todd’s eyes widened as I parted my legs further and ran my fingertips over my outer lips.
“You’re gorgeous,” he told me with a wink. “You’re an absolute goddess.”
I smiled at him and, slowly, as if moving in a leisurely dance, I began to stroke myself with my other hand. My sex was gushing. I slid one finger in, then two, jiggling my clitoris with my other hand as I did. The friction filled me with devilish desire. I wanted to tease. I wanted to bring my audience of two to the edge of breaking point.
“Gosh, that feels so good,” I whispered under my breath as two years of sexual fantasies and internet porn overheated in my head. Purely for show, I pulled my fingers out and put them into my mouth, swirling my tongue and sucking on my own taste.
There was a gasp from the foot of the bed. I looked down to see Derek gazing at my mouth, a ravenous look on his handsome face. I licked my lips and gave him a wink. He reached over the bed and wrapped a hand around my ankle.
“Hey, there,” I whispered as I moved my foot away from him. “No touching,” I said, waving an index finger in the air. “Behave yourself, sweetheart.”
I found myself enjoying the effect I had on them. I was ecstatic that I had them so easily on the verge of losing control. My lust thrived in their attention, quivering in my loins, moistening me with my own juice. I raised my buttocks off the bed a few inches, hoping to allow both men a glimpse of my wetness as I fingered myself. I was drenched, flowing like a river.
“Look who’s wet,” Todd said, his voice trembling with excitement. “Look at that.”
“You’re perfect,” Derek whispered to me. “Just perfect, lying there like that.”
Exhaling, I let myself fall into the magic of my own hands, thumbs flicking and rubbing, fingers indulging secret pleasure spots here and there. I no longer questioned what I was doing. I felt no shame. I rubbed my damp bud a little faster as I moved my other hand up to pinch my nipples.
“You boys like what you see?” I said, closing my eyes.
Someone – I couldn’t tell whether it was Todd or Derek – moaned a reply. That was a good enough answer for me. I ground my clitoris against the butt of my palm and plunged three fingers into the silky heat between my legs.
The quenching, throbbing, sexual relief was heavenly. I let my body take over, and it was as if a wild animal possessed me. I whimpered and hissed, my fingers thrusting and moving against the desperate motion of my hips.
I could hear both men shuffling excitedly around me. Someone unbuckled a belt. Moaning, I dipped my fingers deeper into my heat as I continued to rub my clitoris. I was about to crest the peak when I sensed a familiar rhythm somewhere above me.
I opened my eyes to see Todd masturbating over my body. The sight of him ramped me up for a climax. Throwing my head back and thrusting my hips into the air, I let it happen. Bliss exploded from my core, rolling over my body like a tidal wave. The pleasure was so intense it shuddered my thighs with its force. I moaned with pleasure, my eyes rolling to the top of my skull.
My audience seemed to withdraw a bit, but I shook my head and motioned them closer. I was unable to speak after my still quivering climax, but my lovers understood and stepped closer to the bed.
“We’re still watching you,” Derek said. “Turn over and play with yourself some more.”
Groaning, I did as I was told. I rolled to my belly, one hand pinned underneath me. I then lifted my buttocks into the air and spread my thighs to allow them a better view.
“Keep your eyes forward and touch yourself,” Derek told me. “We’re watching you, not the other way around.”
Without hesitation, I slid three fingers into my vagina and ground my clitoris against my palm. My body undulated and rose as I angled for more friction, one hand gripping the top of the headboard while the other worked my slit. The sound of my own wetness drove me insane with lust. My sex was flowing again, and pleasure swept across every inch of my skin.
“I want you both now,” I said finally, more wanton than I ever dreamed I could be. “Now, both of you, please.”
That was all the encouragement they needed. I looked over my shoulder as my lovers pulled their shirts off and undid their pants. My brain barely registered what was happening. I was fully focused on seeing their beautiful, masculine bodies, their erections. Then, finally, I did, and my jaw dropped. They were both shaved, engorged, magnificent.
“Keep your eyes forward,” Todd grunted. “We’ll tell you when you can look.”
I figured there would be no macho bullshit between Todd and Derek. They knew each other. More than that, they were friends. I could hear them conferring in whispers behind me, shuffling around on the carpet. I would have been out of there had there been any knee-jerk jealousy of any sort. I was breathing hard with anticipation.
Strong, firm fingers pressed gently into my muscles from behind. Their masculine touch filled me with a delicious sense of vulnerability. The digits began to explore my body, touching me where no man had touched me in years.
Gripping the headboard with both my hands, I floated into a haze of ticklish carnal delight. They were everywhere all at once. I felt hands on the flat of my belly, my breasts, my behind. I sighed and moaned in the depraved pleasure of being gently mauled.
Sexual arousal grew in me, but in a soft, flowing, trance-like way. I realized I was being eased onto my back. My eyelids drifted open, then sprang wide. Derek and Todd were standing over the bed now on either side of me, their erections even more impressive up close. The three of us laughed nervously at my surprise for a moment.
“Oh my,” I said. “I have my work cut out for me, don’t I?”
“Shut up and spread your legs,” Derek said, smiling.
I closed my eyes again as their hands continued to caress my body. They pinched my nipples gently and massaged my breasts, one in each man’s hand. Fingers found my crotch. I spread my thighs and gasped when I felt fingertips brush my vulva, touching my bud, sending ripples of pleasure straight to my toes. I didn’t know who was doing what, and I liked the sensory confusion.
In some of my fantasies, I directed two male lovers in their actions. But reality was much better. Todd and Derek had done this before. Some lucky lady – or ladies – had been in the same position I was in, I could tell. They caressed my bud, squeezed my breasts, and fondled me with practiced accord. My whole being hummed with delight.
I came in a torrent, my hips bucking wildly as the fingers inside me brought me to a groaning peak. My orgasm was more powerful than anything I’d ever experienced. A billion stars bloomed inside me, spreading joy up and down my body.
My thighs were still writhing in ecstasy as I reached out and grasped both men on either side of me. They throbbed in my fists. Their velvet-smooth textures drove me wild with lust. Tugging, I drew both men onto the bed.
Todd knelt beside my head, his weight dipping the mattress. I turned and licked him, tasting his saltiness, rolling his musk in my mouth. Moving my eyes upward, I gazed into his eyes as my tongue snaked around him. Then, opening my mouth, I swallowed the crown whole, fastening my lips around him. Todd groaned, and I slid farther down along his length, my tongue probing his skin.
With my other hand, I began to pleasure Derek. I actually felt him grow, just spring to his fullest girth and extension in my palms.
Pulling off Todd, I turned and put Derek in my mouth, swirling around him with my tongue before sucking my way farther down. He was a bit bigger. It took me a while to work my way to where I could feel the rest of his body against my chin. He, too, responded with a moan of pleasure.
The tastes of both my lovers reminded me of the ocean, filling my mouth and throat as it did the first time I ever swam in the sea.
I was getting into the groove of our heaving, finding my rhythm, but then the men shifted on the bed. Todd lay beside me and pulled me to my side so that we were facing each other. He then slid down and nudged my thighs apart with his shoulders. I purred with delight when his mouth touched my wetness.
I looked down and touched the rampant dragon on his arm, letting my fingertips trail across its scales. I was dripping, and I felt bliss gathering slowly in me again, but Todd was in no hurry.
With adroit precision, his tongue flicked and gently sucked on my folds, then voyaged upward, teasing and stroking. He licked with deliberate attention, skimming the core of my bliss, teasing me, bringing me to the edge, then pulling me back.
I felt another mouth kiss my cheek and I turned to meet Derek’s hot tongue. I groaned as our lips touched. His lips were soft – almost as soft as mine, but his wide, brawny body felt hard as granite behind me.
His tongue lit inside my mouth, tracing the inside of my lower lip. The pleasure of two mouths on me was almost unbearable.
“Switch,” I heard Derek say after a while. “My turn.”
Todd’s mouth withdrew from my crotch, and I heard him panting for air. Moments later, Derek replaced him. The tongue may have been different, but it was equally adept. I closed my eyes when Derek licked my folds, parting the flesh as he kissed his way to my clitoris.
Moving in quietly over the bed, Todd positioned himself behind me, planting soft kisses on my shoulders and nape. I turned to seize his mouth in mine, touching his chin with my fingertips. I loved kissing Todd. I loved the way he kissed. I relished his firm but tender confidence. I cupped his chin in my fingers and rolled my tongue into his mouth, letting him suck on it gently.
Between my legs, Derek was snuffling along my folds. He brushed me where I wanted him with his lips, and I pulled his head toward the spot. He found me almost immediately, his tongue touching, dabbing, darting until it felt like agony. It was then that I was struck by how strange it was, having two men enjoy me.
People find magic in the oddest things. Whatever it was that was happening between our bodies, it was wonderful. It was so unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. It could only have been magic.
What strange crazy animals we are, living lives as we do, concealing all this behind costume civility.
Derek was still hunched greedily between my legs, and I could feel him breathing harder, faster. He was more aggressive, more vigorous in his method.
His quick, tapping licks had started a familiar surge inside me and now it was rising to meet him. I lifted my hips and moved hard against his face, swaying against his strokes. My slow-building ecstasy reached its crescendo, and I came a second time, groaning with pleasure as I ground my hips into his face.
Derek looked up at me and I smiled at him, my mind still whirring with lust.
Then the two men, their faces wet with my moisture, lay down on either side of me. I snuggled into the close, warm safety of the hollow they shaped for me between their bodies. I kissed each man alternately on his mouth, marveling at the taste our mingled sweat and musk.
Did I fall asleep? If I did, I must not have dreamt anything as soon enough, their hands were touching me again, fondling and caressing, lavishing my body with delicate attention.
I was not dreaming. This was real. Any girl would have been lucky to have either Derek or Todd as a lover. The universe must have been smiling on me that evening. I had both.
Moving together, they turned me onto my side. I was still facing Derek. Todd was behind me. It was then that I realized that I’d scarcely had to move since being wedged between them. I simply received, allowing them to take control of my body. I was their sweet slave, their purring, panting little slut: compliant, happy, and brazen.
I could hear Todd rummaging through the bedside drawer behind me. I still had him in my hand. I looked over my shoulder as he poured lube on his palms. A tiny tickle of fear went through me, but it was instantly overwhelmed by desire. I cheerfully let him oil my already humming behind, his hands generously coating my skin and orifice with lube.
I’d only tried anal a couple times before this, but I suddenly understood the full pleasure of the act. Todd slid into me tenderly, taking his time as Derek rubbed me, building me to a level of ferocious excitement.
Then it was Derek’s turn. Desire rolled through me at his ingress. He parted my thighs then pushed himself into me gently, his girth and length filling me slowly and to the hilt.
With Todd already inside me, the sensation was intensified, completed. I felt crammed. The pleasure of surrendering was unbelievable. My tongue flicked in and out of my mouth, seemingly of its own accord.
I had been in a threesome only once before. My college boyfriend had persuaded me to allow another woman into our bed one summer. While I did enjoy the experience, I had always fantasized about jumping into bed with two men. Now I could hardly believe it was actually happening.
I felt both of them inside me and I loved it. I reached behind, grabbed hold of Todd’s hip, and pulled. He pushed himself deep into my behind, and I urged him on. “I want more,” I said. “Deeper.”
That seemed to set both men off like a pistol shot at the starting gate. They moved into me, grunting, moaning, deeper and deeper, causing a fierce, frantic, terrifying ecstasy to race over every inch of my flesh.
It was not so much the carnal pleasure that excited me so much as it was the debauchery of what we were doing. I relished the wickedness of it. I felt deliciously perverted. I cried out, a long, nasty shriek of triumph that never seemed to end.
The two men continued to pleasure me in tandem, each pushing in turn, asking to be let in further, deeper, more roughly. I was shoved and squashed between their bodies, feeling at once thrilled and helpless. I felt pain, but the pain was luminous, warm, soft, and giggling.
When I reached orgasm, it was like nothing I’d ever felt before. My body yielded easily enough to its demands, and I didn’t fight it. The shameful pleasure of it was all-consuming. The bed shook, and for a moment, the world was like a picture frame tilted to one side.
Todd held onto me as my body spasmed uncontrollably. My muscles clenched and unclenched. My thighs and calves trembled. Then I was gone. I was somewhere else, exploding across the edge of the universe, confabulating with angels and supernovas. The two men erupted within seconds of each other, joining me. I felt their heat spread inside me, and their gushing carried me further out into endlessness.
When it was over, I felt drained.
The wonder of the moment flared through me and I lay there smiling goofily at the ceiling. The room had taken on a soft, dreamy atmosphere in the midst of our pleasures. Waves of warm, tingling pleasure lapped at my body.
I had never climaxed as I did that night – not when I was alone, not with any one man or woman. I spent the night alternately kissing and fondling my lovers, whispering into their ears, giggling at their little jokes.
Here and now, I call them lovers, but what we had was not love. There was no love in anything we did that evening. Something so ambiguous, so frail, and so ephemeral as love could not have survived the air in that room. What we had was something far more simple, robust, and rational.
We did it again before dawn, falling into the bed in the grey light that drifted into the room through the window. This time I was more relaxed, more in tune as our bodies moved against each other to feel warm skin pressed against warm skin.
We lay entwined, and my lovers kissed and touched me until the kissing and touching ached, and I begged for relief.
Always, they moved around me quietly, sometimes lifting a leg or an arm, conferring, laughing, their hands finding openings to caress, tease, and enter.
I was a mouth, a tongue, nipples, hands, thighs, flesh, and hair between them. I reveled in what I can only describe as an exquisite sense of freedom. I don’t think I had ever felt as alive.
I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to stay between my two lovers forever. But end it did, and I drifted into sleep between them.
I woke about an hour later to find Derek had gone. Todd was snoring softly beside me, his arm draped over my breasts.
I crawled out from under the sheets, picked my clothes from the floor, and dressed quietly in the half-light. I left a little thank you note on the table out in the living room before I felt.
I called Joe that morning to ask if he could drop off some of my clothes and CDs. He said I should fetch them myself.
I told him I was yet unprepared to see his girlfriend living in the apartment he and I had shared as husband and wife together. That was enough to set off my ex-husband’s temper. “I pay for this apartment,” he said, among other things. “It was never ours to begin with.”
You’d think that I would have grown used to abusive language after nearly 20 years of being married to a bullying male chauvinist pig. It turns out I had not. Needless to say, the conversation did not end very well. But I didn’t mind that so much.
In fact, I have not felt as happy or as relaxed as I do now in a long, long time. I visit my neighbors quite often these days. I sleep over during the weekends. I am quite sure that has something to do with it.
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