Researchers over at the Kinsey Institute say that, while men can easily achieve orgasm through vaginal sex alone, women often don\u2019t. Women are much more orgasmic, but they require a variety of sex acts to achieve climax. That includes cunnilingus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe average man can maintain genital thrusting for two and a half minutes before ejaculation, but the average woman requires fifteen to eighteen minutes of persistent clitoral stimulation to have her first orgasm,\u201d says sex therapist and cunnilingus expert Ian Kerner. \u201cThat twelve-and-a-half-minute difference is a gaping maw of frustration on the part of women.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a world where most men want to \u2018go down\u2019 in history as great lovers, surprisingly few actually know how to achieve the goal. In fact, a disappointing number of men don\u2019t know where to begin pleasuring women with their mouths. That is according to both Kerner and renowned sex therapist Dr. Yvonne Fulbright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fulbright has spent the better part of her career helping individuals toward a healthier approach to sex and relationships. Oral sex happens to be part of that equation. She says much of the naivete surrounding cunnilingus stems from an ambivalent attitude toward female sexuality – both in men and in women. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFemale sexual pleasuring is still a relatively new concept in human history, and for those up for the task there\u2019s still the fear that they don\u2019t know what they\u2019re doing,\u201d says Fulbright. \u201cA number of females don\u2019t even know how to provide a lover with instruction, given they still face the taboo of exploring their sexuality, especially on their own.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n This wary attitude is more prevalent than some might think, and \u2013 in many cultures – has been so for thousands of years. In the bedroom, the result has been ignorance and \u2013 well – poor technique, if there is any attempt at technique at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Over the years, Fulbright has interviewed men who thought that the female urinary opening was the clitoris. Others didn\u2019t quite know how to warm their partners up properly. They just dove right in, says Fulbright. That can make for a lot of discomfort for women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOne of the biggest complaints I hear from women is, \u2018I love it when my guy goes down on me, but it\u2019s like the running of the bulls in Pamplona. It\u2019s like a stampede for the clitoris, and I just want to get out of the way,\u2019\u201d says Kerner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nonetheless, the incentives to cunnilingus in a loving, sensual relationship extend far beyond the promise of orgasm. Oral sex functions to ensure both pleasure and a strong partnership, according to Fulbright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen people indulge in sexual experimentation or when a gal gives the green light to let a lover go down on her, there is a certain degree of vulnerability involved,\u201d she says. \u201cThe variety could be a reflection of other things in the relationship that are beneficial, like a strong sense of trust.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n That said, there are ways to perform cunnilingus for maximum effect. But for that, you\u2019ll need to know the basics of your partner\u2019s intimate anatomy. That can be tricky. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In fact, many women – due to cultural or religious suppression, don’t even understand their own<\/em> sexual anatomy. But that’s a story for another time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For men. seeing your lady’s labia for the first time is \u2013 to borrow a phrase from Forrest Gump – like opening a box of chocolates. \u201cYou never know what you\u2019re going to get.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like the male member, female vulvae are all different. Some hang low, others wobble backward and forward. Some are short, some asymmetrical, and others are curved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The clitoris is situated at the top of where the two inner labia join. \u201cTrace the seam of the lips toward your partner\u2019s belly button to find the clit,\u201d says sex educator Sarah Sloane, who teaches sex toy classes in Chicago, Illinois. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Keep in mind that the visible part of the clitoris is only its tip. The clitoris itself extends a few inches further back into the body. This wonderful jewel of human evolution has no function in reproduction at all, but it is the main pleasure center for females during sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And what a center it is. The clitoris has more nerve endings than anywhere else in the female body. When stimulated, it fills with blood and becomes erect. Only the clitoral hood protects this sensitive gland from friction, or constant rubbing, in everyday life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n There is a common misconception that, once found, you should go ahead and paint the alphabet on the clitoris with your tongue. That\u2019s just bad advice, says Sloane. The secret is not variety, or aimless flicking, but consistent, uniform strokes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Every female body is different, though, so you\u2019ll probably have to test different techniques to discover what gives your partner the most pleasure. Sloane recommends long, soft licks. \u201cStart like you\u2019re trying to lick all the ice cream in July,\u201d she suggests. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Perhaps even better, Tara Struyk, co-founder of Kinkly<\/em>, an online sexual wellness resource, suggests that you ask your partner what she likes. \u201cDo you prefer this or this?\u201d or \u201cDoes this pressure feel good?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Struyk says your partner\u2019s body language should give you some clues, too. If she pushes close, she most likely enjoys what you are doing. Keep at it and don\u2019t change anything. If she is pulling away or clenching, the sensation may be too intense. You may need to back off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your willingness to pleasure your partner also matters. If you\u2019re performing cunnilingus because you think that\u2019s what you \u201cshould\u201d be doing, your partner will know. She will likely not enjoy it as much. So, if you want to pleasure her orally, be fully there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Being fully present means taking your time and tending to other parts of her sex. Do and say things to make her feel good about herself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For instance, some women like to have their partner’s tongue inserted into their vagina. If this is the case with your playmate, Sloane suggests less tongue-thrust, more tongue-touch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fulbright emphasizes the importance of teasing, as well. Instead of zeroing in on her clitoris and going to town right away, try getting the entire vulva wet first. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFirmly brush over the clitoris on occasion, but tease it,\u201d she says. \u201cAfter some build up, firmly push the tip of your tongue against it as you rhythmically massage it, gradually building up the speed and paying attention to signs of whether there\u2019s too much stimulation or if she wants more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Keep learning and be patient. Be sure, too, that you don\u2019t overdo it. When it comes to cunnilingus, some lovers do prefer more. That is especially for women who for whom oral sex is a primary way for reaching climax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But for ladies who climax as effectively during certain sexual positions involving vaginal penetration, more cunnilingus may not be necessary… but will always be welcome \ud83d\ude42 <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cEvery couple needs to figure out what\u2019s best for them and communicate about that,\u201d says Fulbright.<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"Women](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/CUNNILINGUS-1-683x1024.jpg\" "\\"Variety")
Cunnilingus and Social Taboos<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
![\"In](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/CUNNILINGUS-Mihaly_Zichy_Erotic_Inkwash.jpg\" "\\"Great")
(Photo: Michaly Zichy\/Wikimedia Commons)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n\u201cA Sense of Trust\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"Oral](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/CUNNILINGUS-wray-ann-faithful-wiki.jpg\" "\\"Oral")
(Photo: Wray Ann Faithful\/Wikimedia Commons)
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nKnow Her Intimate Anatomy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"Know](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/CUNNINLINGUS-4.jpg\" "\\"Partner's")
Listen to Her Body<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"Ask](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/CUNNLINGUS-PIC.jpg\" "\\"Partner's")
Less Thrusting, More Teasing and Communication<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"Experts](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/CUNNILINGUS-9-683x1024.jpg\" "\\"Time")