![\"More](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/MARRIED-MEN-7-680x1024.jpg\" "\\"Attracted")
The Perfect Match is a Married Man<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Researchers have been noting the trend for decades. Sociologist Laurel Richardson conducted in-depth interviews with 700 women for a study on the subject in 1985. One of her major findings is that, by then, an affair with a married man was no longer taboo. In fact, it had already become a recognizable social pattern for a diverse population of single women.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The women in Richardson\u2019s study were 24 to 64 years old. The median age was 28. They came from all social strata and geographic areas. They held blue, pink, and white-collar jobs. Most had been married once. Most had affairs with older men, many of whom were mentors or bosses.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
More recent studies appear to shed light on at least some of the reasons behind the trend. In 2010, researchers from Oklahoma State University showed a sample group of women a picture of a man who was their “perfect match.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When the women were told that their perfect match was single, 59 percent of them said they’d go out with him. When they were told he was taken, 90 percent said they would.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The study reveals something an increasing number of married men are learning. When a man is desired by other women, his physical attractiveness automatically increases. The conclusion? Merely knowing that a man is spoken for apparently makes him more appealing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s not just for some women, but for women in general, say the researchers. What makes \u201cthe other woman\u201d different is that she acts on her desires. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Scientists have attributed mate poaching to a primitive instinct. Back when we lived in caves, finding an ideal mate could well be a matter of life or death. The world was a much more perilous place, especially for pregnant women. If your man couldn’t protect and provide, you wouldn’t survive, says biological anthropologist Helen Fisher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Some trace of this primitive logic is evident in the results of Richardson\u2019s research. More than 40 percent of the married men she interviewed admitted to having affairs. For those men with incomes over $70,000 \u2013 a considerable sum at the time – the figure was 70 percent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint. Men who earn more are obviously better able to provide for their families.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But there are fewer situations today than ever before in which a woman needs a man\u2019s money and protection. Women have sought this kind of liberation for a long, long time, and its achievement is something to celebrate, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course it is, but our instincts have apparently not caught up yet. Psychologists suggest the trend may have extended into our times due to a psychological process known as “mate-copying.” Simply put, females tend to want males that other females agree to be desirable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Humans are social creatures. The opinion of others matters to us. This stems from the importance of group inclusion for survival throughout evolution, Psychology Today<\/em> reports.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We are genetically programmed to belong to a larger society. We want<\/em> to belong. That\u2019s why children tease the loner, and why we – as adults – take other opinions into consideration when we make decisions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Other research findings on this subject propose that females are more likely to change their selection of a possible mate based on the opinion of other females. Interestingly, men don\u2019t feel the same evolutionary urge to consult other men when choosing their partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n “Men don’t have to do as much digging to get that instinctual sense that a woman would be a good mate,” says Fisher. “They look for physical signs that a woman is fertile, like having a good hip-to-waist ratio, which can be sized up visually on the spot.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n In addition to primal urges, some women are drawn to married men simply because they don\u2019t want a committed relationship of their own. They see affairs with men in committed relationships as a way to avoid marriage when other priorities are pressing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In this respect, \u201cthe other woman\u201d of today differs from her counterpart in the past. Her goal is not to marry, but to enjoy seduction, sex, and male companionship while pursuing other goals. These might include building a career, surviving a divorce, or earning a college degree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In a 2018 piece for the New York Times<\/em>, the writer Karin Jones admits to having multiple affairs with married men. She says she began seeing them for companionship while she processed the grief of being newly divorced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAfter being married for 23 years, I wanted sex but not a relationship,\u201d says Jones. \u201cThis is dicey because you can\u2019t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix, but with the married men I guessed that the fact that they had wives, children, and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections. And I was right.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Newman says the fact that society frowns on extramarital affairs might actually increase the temptation for some women, fueling their sex drive. In fact, the allure of forbidden love is so powerful that, in some cultures , women risk death by stoning<\/a> for a taste of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSneaking around has its thrills,\u201d says Newman. \u201cThe sex itself may be lustier because it\u2019s clandestine. Having sex in the married couple\u2019s bed, for example, becomes a daring thrill, full of lust and passion, in a way not possible otherwise.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most of the research on the subject indicates that these overheated affairs typically last four years. That is longer than most of the women expected. The men usually end the relationships. Almost invariably, the women try to part on good terms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For most of the women, friendship is how the affairs start – and that is where it should hopefully end. \u201cIf the single woman can regain that friendship,” says Richardson, ”she can feel that he is worthy, after all, that her judgment is not totally faulty and that she loved well, if not wisely.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n In this sense, she adds, the other woman is all women. ”The desire to be friends with men – both before and after the love relationship – may very well be one of the major ways in which women’s sexuality is socially controlled and ultimately constrained.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"Research](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/MARRIED-MEN-2-1024x683.jpg\" "\\"Sexual")
![\"Merely](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/MARRIED-MEN-4.jpg\" "\\"Appealing")
Primitive Instincts<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"More](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/MARRIED-MEN-6.jpg\" "\\"Married")
![\"Scientists](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/MARRIED-MEN-3-Paul-Cleary-Flickr.jpg\" "\\"Attributed")
The New “Other Woman”<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"Some](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/married-men-8.jpg\" "\\"Drawn")
\u201cThe Desire to be Friends\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
![\"Sneaking](\"http:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/12\/2020\/08\/MARRIED-MEN-9.jpg\" "\\"Sneaking")