{"id":57,"date":"2020-08-17T08:02:06","date_gmt":"2020-08-17T08:02:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stories.mysecretdrawer.co\/2020\/08\/17\/have-you-met-the-exhibitionist-in-you\/"},"modified":"2020-08-17T08:02:06","modified_gmt":"2020-08-17T08:02:06","slug":"have-you-met-the-exhibitionist-in-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/have-you-met-the-exhibitionist-in-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Have You Met the Exhibitionist in You?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Some of you might remember that man who – back in the 1970s – stripped naked and hurdled the stumps during a cricket match at Lord\u2019s Cricket Grounds, in the United Kingdom. People at the time humorously called the madcap antic \u201cstreaking.\u201d That man\u2019s name was Michael Angelow. He was an exhibitionist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ever wondered why you feel good showing a little skin in public, it could be because you\u2019ve got something in common with Angelow. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We aren\u2019t jumping to any conclusions here \u2013 not just yet. But if you relish the attention of others while showing off your assets in sexy lingerie<\/strong><\/a>, then you are definitely teetering along the spectrum of exhibitionism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"If
If you relish the attention of others while showing off your assets, then you are definitely teetering along the spectrum of exhibitionism.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Embracing Your Exhibitionist Self<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

But let\u2019s clear things up a little, first. Don\u2019t let the term \u201cexhibitionist\u201d put you off. These days, the noun is no longer solely reserved for those shady perverts who feel compelled to expose their genitals to people on the subway. That’s not what we mean here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here we are reclaiming the word for the sexy, consensual kind of exhibitionism that builds your confidence, improves your orgasms and enhances your sex life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In this context, exhibitionism is \u201cthe desire to reveal one\u2019s physical attributes in a sexually alluring or suggestive manner,\u201d says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That doesn\u2019t sound so perverted, does it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Some
Exhibitionism is \u201cthe desire to reveal one\u2019s physical attributes in a sexually alluring or suggestive manner,\u201d says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly.
(Photo: Kalvin Chan\/Wikimedia Commons)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

In fact, countless healthy, normal people regularly entertain notions of taking it even further. Some 81 percent of men and 84 percent of women in the US have \u201cexperienced sexual arousal at the thought of public sex,\u201d according to psychologist Justin Lehmiller.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s the kind of exhibitionism embraced by the sexologist, Carol Queen. Queen, who calls herself \u201ca recovering shy person,\u201d also considers herself something of a political activist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The California-based sociologist and former stripper wants to remove the term “exhibitionism” from the Diagnostic Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders. To Queen, shyness is the real pathology. Perversion, in this instance, is the cure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNobody wants to be shy,\u201d says Queen. \u201cPlenty of people are happy being introspective and quiet … but nobody wants to be shy and feel like they’re impaired from communicating with someone they think is interesting\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Some 81 percent of men and 84 percent of women in the US have experienced sexual arousal at the thought of public sex.
<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

A Special Relationship<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

One of Queen\u2019s most fascinating concepts has to do with “solo” exhibitionism. This basically involves showing off by yourself, which she says may be an effective first step toward correcting what she calls \u201csuper-super shyness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

By definition, however, exhibitionism requires at least a second party \u2013 a voyeur. In an ideal scenario, the two would go hand-in-hand.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA voyeur is someone who feels sexual arousal by watching someone else nude or doing sexual activities,\u201d says clinical sexologist Sarah Melancon. \u201cThe fantasy of exhibitionism requires a voyeur,\u201d thereby creating a relationship between watcher and the willing object of his or her attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"The
The fantasy of exhibitionism requires a voyeur.
(Photo: Brian Lin\/Wikimedia Commons)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Of course, you have no need or reason to identify any sexual inclination you might have. But if you are curious and you want to find out whether you have exhibitionist tendencies<\/a>, then you can rely on a few innocuous indicators for confirmation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You may have already noticed a few novel twists in your sexual inclinations. For instance, you\u2019ve thought about sending \u2013 or actually have sent \u2013 your partner nude photos while he or she was at work. Or you may have fantasized about \u2013 or already have actually enjoyed \u2013 sex in public places.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

None of these activities or fantasies are indicative of worrying psychological aberrations. Indeed, for Queen, all these are normal, healthy desires that should be fed and nurtured. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most consensual exhibitionists can engage their desires in a private sphere, she notes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Most
Most consensual exhibitionists can engage their desires in a private sphere. <\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDirty Dancing in the Mirror\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Talking dirty is one of the core stepping-stones in exhibitionism, Queen says, along with role-playing, finding the right partner, and confronting body-image issues. All of these can be done in the relative privacy of the bedroom.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBuild your comfort with being seen by practicing alone – dirty-dancing in the mirror, watching yourself as you masturbate, experimenting with whatever garments feel sexy for you,\u201d says Queen. \u201cGetting a sense of your own pleasure in showing off is key to really enjoying it with a person watching.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once past this initial hurdle, psychologist Margarida Rafael says couples can incorporate exhibitionism in their sex lives through a number of activities.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rafael, whose work focuses on individuals with histories of trauma and relationship problems, says you can videotape yourself masturbating and share it with your partner. You might also want to try surprising your significant other by walking out naked to greet them when they arrive home from work, she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Showing
Showing off by yourself may be an effective first step toward correcting crippling shyness, say some experts.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Rafael says couples can have sex in public places \u201cwithout breaking the law,\u201d such as in a bathroom at a friend’s house, or against a window. You can also try sexual intimacy with your partner in \u201cyour swimming pool and on your balcony.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Queen, however, warns against carelessness. She notes how playful, harmless exhibitionism can quickly spiral out of control in the modern milieu of the internet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSexting” might proceed naturally from that \u201cpartner-finding phase” familiar to countless teenagers. But it can also result in a child pornography charge.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe overarching message isn’t that you should take your bra off and throw it at a mounted policeman in the park,” Queen tells the East Bay Express. “Although,\u201d she adds, pausing, \u201cthat could be fun.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you one of the four in five adults who have fantasized about sex in public? Why not write your own story for others to read?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve ever wondered why you feel good showing a little skin in public, it could be because you\u2019ve got exhibitionist tendencies.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":58,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[17,20,18],"tags":[86,87,88],"class_list":["post-57","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couples","category-seduction","category-solo-sex","tag-exhibitionism","tag-kinky-sex","tag-sex-in-public"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=57"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/58"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=57"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=57"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=57"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}