{"id":244,"date":"2022-03-30T07:38:21","date_gmt":"2022-03-30T07:38:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stories.mysecretdrawer.co\/2022\/03\/30\/should-you-be-worried-about-micro-cheating-in-your-relationship\/"},"modified":"2022-03-30T07:38:21","modified_gmt":"2022-03-30T07:38:21","slug":"should-you-be-worried-about-micro-cheating-in-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/should-you-be-worried-about-micro-cheating-in-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Should you be worried about micro-cheating in your relationship?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cWho came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine,\u201d writes David Levithan in his book, The Lover\u2019s Dictionary<\/em>. \u201cSomeone who thought liar was too harsh.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have you ever thought about cheating on your partner? If so, you should know that one out of every three married people have taken it a step further.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The results of a 2016 survey<\/a> show that more than a third of all marriages worldwide have seen one or both spouses commit adultery!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While something like extramarital sex is easy to define, the idea of cheating is far more complicated. Just about anything – from sexting to lying to sexual intercourse – could be considered cheating<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Many of those who have never been unfaithful have at least thought about it.  Some 41 percent of men and 28 percent of women<\/a> in serious relationships say they\u2019ve considered stepping out on their partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s where the latest relationship buzzword might come in. There\u2019s a good chance you have come across micro-cheating in your own love life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"The
The results of a 2016 survey show that more than a third of all marriages worldwide have seen one or both spouses commit adultery.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

What is micro-cheating?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Micro-cheating is \u201ca set of behaviors that flirts with the line between faithfulness and unfaithfulness,\u201d says relationship expert Lindsey Hoskins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Experts
Experts say it\u2019s normal to find other people attractive while you’re in a committed relationship.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The vague language is unavoidable. Unlike full-blown sexual infidelity<\/a>, Hoskins says it\u2019s almost impossible to define micro-cheating. That\u2019s because \u201cthe line is in different places for different people in different relationships,\u201d she explains.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The most common lapses include frequent text or social media communication with a possible flame, says the Maryland-based psychologist. She has also seen marriages struggle when one spouse regularly talks with an ex-partner or is too friendly with a co-worker.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, anything from Tinder swiping for fun to flirting with a stranger could be micro-cheating, says relationship therapist Robert Weiss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDifferent behaviors might be infidelity for one couple, micro-cheating for another couple, and not a problem at all for another couple,\u201d says Weiss. \u201cCheating, micro or otherwise, is less about the particular behavior, and more about the keeping of secrets and the impact of those secrets when uncovered.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weiss is CEO of Seeking Integrity, an online community that addresses behavioral health issues. He says it\u2019s normal to find other people attractive while you’re in a committed relationship. After all, humans are programmed to be on the lookout out for potential mates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jayson Dibble, an associate professor of communication at Hope College, agrees. He says flirting with someone outside your relationship is often harmless. For most people, it\u2019s more about a quick ego boost than it is about truly being interested in another person, he says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cResearch confirms time and time again that even when people are having sex, they\u2019ll fantasize about someone other than their partner,\u201d says Dibble. \u201cThat can be healthy, too, because it keeps you moving.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA Problem for Your Partner\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

But the caveat to all micro-cheating is that your partner might find your actions hurtful, however harmless they may seem to you. While flirting with someone at work might not be an issue for you, it can certainly make your partner uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hoskins says that that alone should give you a reason to think twice. \u201cYou can feel differently about it, but it\u2019s a problem for your relationship if it\u2019s a problem for your partner,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your willingness to resist temptation appears to be a factor in full-blown infidelity, as well. Recent research from Florida State University examined how committed couples reacted to photos of other potential partners. The researchers found that those who quickly looked away from the photos were less likely to cheat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those who lingered on the photos tended to entertain notions of cheating. That\u2019s when micro-cheating might prove to be a slippery slope, Dibble says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
The caveat to all micro-cheating is that your partner might find your actions hurtful, however harmless they may seem to you.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The Problem with Deception<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Solid relationships are based on trust. Micro-cheating isn\u2019t trustworthy behavior as it implies that you\u2019re keeping your interactions outside the relationship a secret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What may start as harmless text conversations or office banter can quickly evolve into something serious.  So, if outside interactions are starting to take time away from your relationship, take heed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s an old saying in social psychology that says, \u201cWhat\u2019s perceived as real is real in its consequences.\u201d That’s very true for micro-cheating.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

People always regard infidelity \u2013 no matter how small and inconsequential it might seem \u2013 with a sense of betrayal. They quite understandably respond to it with anger, distrust, and a loss of affection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The damage lies in deception. Once precious trust is squandered, it\u2019s hard to regain. And science says it\u2019s for good reason, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior<\/a> found those who cheated in a previous relationship are more likely to cheat again. Spouses who were betrayed once before were, in turn, likely to suspect their next partner of cheating.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"If
If outside interactions are starting to take time away from your relationship, take heed.<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

How do you deal with micro-cheating?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Positive communication is key, Hoskins says. Couples should ideally discuss relationship boundaries before they become an issue. Open, forthright dialogue helps prevent arguments and resentment from bubbling up later.  That means having regular conversations about \u201cwhat\u2019s okay and what\u2019s not,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She emphasizes that couples should see such discussions as a relationship maintenance routine<\/em> as their relationship deepens. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIdeas change and new things come up,\u201d she says. \u201cIt\u2019s an evolution.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weiss puts similar weight on discussing boundaries routinely and openly. He says couples can have this kind of communication even without therapeutic assistance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe more open and honest a couple is, the more intimacy they have,\u201d he says. \u201cRemember, with infidelity, it\u2019s not the specific behavior, it\u2019s the lying and secrets that drive a couple apart.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The manner with which you discuss micro-cheating matters, too. If you feel that your partner is doing something wrong, you\u2019ll do better not to be too confrontational, says Hoskins.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDefensiveness is caused by feeling attacked, so the person who is worried needs to come into the conversation really being conscientious to not attack,\u201d she suggests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"If
If you feel that your partner is doing something wrong, you\u2019ll do better not to be too confrontational.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re the one suspected of micro-cheating, be truthful about your behavior. Make an effort to listen objectively to your partner\u2019s concerns. Consider how you can be more considerate in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, Hoskins recommends analyzing why the micro-cheating happened in the first place. This entails working together to address whatever may be lacking in your partnership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is likely to involve one partner asking the other, \u201cWhat was the feeling you were getting from the behavior or interaction?\u201d says Hoskins. \u201cCan we focus on adding that kind of dynamic into our relationship?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s your story? Is micro-cheating a problem in your relationship? How do you<\/em> deal with it? Why not share your thoughts by reviewing this story below?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Just about anything from sexting to lying to sexual intercourse could be considered cheating. Should you be worried about your relationship?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":245,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[17,22,43,20],"tags":[71,224,272,271],"class_list":["post-244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-couples","category-cuckolding","category-lifestyle","category-seduction","tag-infidelity","tag-marriage","tag-micro-cheating","tag-sex-and-relationships"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=244"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/244\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/245"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}