{"id":103,"date":"2020-09-21T10:26:34","date_gmt":"2020-09-21T10:26:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stories.mysecretdrawer.co\/2020\/09\/21\/7-common-sex-fantasies-and-what-they-mean\/"},"modified":"2020-09-21T10:26:34","modified_gmt":"2020-09-21T10:26:34","slug":"7-common-sex-fantasies-and-what-they-mean","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mysecretdrawer.co\/stories\/7-common-sex-fantasies-and-what-they-mean\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Common Sex Fantasies and What They Mean"},"content":{"rendered":"

In the vast assortment of sex research, you\u2019ll find more material devoted to the act itself than to how people think about it when they are alone.<\/p>

That should surprise you.<\/p>

We all know that sexual thoughts accompany our sexual behaviors. <\/p>

When men and women masturbate, they invariably imagine some sort of sexual encounter. Those internal narratives can be quite telling.<\/p>

\u201cIf you look back to, say, Alfred Kinsey, he was focused much more on people\u2019s behaviors rather than their desires,\u201d says Justin Lehmiller, a research fellow of Indiana University\u2019s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. \u201cSame with [William] Masters and [Virginia] Johnson.\u201d<\/p>

Fortunately, a number of scientists and sex experts have begun to dedicate more time and attention to people\u2019s sexual fantasies in recent years.\u00a0 What they\u2019ve found is a corner of the human imagination rich with meaning and consequence.<\/p>

Sexual thoughts accompany our sexual behaviors.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
What Do Sexual Fantasies Actually Mean?<\/h2>
Sometimes, sexual fantasies can be a little awkward – for example, fantasizing about having sex with someone other than your partner.<\/p>
That\u2019s probably why people are not always open or willing to share their sexual fantasies.<\/p>
But what do these fantasies really mean? Do they have any consequences in our daily lives?<\/p>
While imagining yourself naked with a stranger doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you\u2019re looking to cheat, it does say something about you and your feelings.<\/p>
\u201cThese fantasies can offer a portal into aspects of our non-sexual emotions that we\u2019re trying to reconcile in our day-to-day lives,\u201d says Cyndi Darnell, a clinical sexologist in New York City.<\/p>
Below are some of the most common sexual fantasies and what they might mean.<\/p>
1. Being Dominated<\/h3>
Nearly 65 percent of women fantasize about being dominated sexually, according to a survey published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.<\/p>
This fantasy is significantly greater for women than men, on average. \u00a0One 2009 study<\/a> notes that socially dominant women particularly enjoyed fantasies of submission.<\/p>
\u201cBDSM is alluring because one partner relinquishes all sense of control,\u201d says Channa Bromley, a relationship and dating coach.<\/p>
\u201cThey\u2019re submissive to the person touching them, but subconsciously give themselves permission to be wild, to be orgasmic in response -she doesn’t need to hold back.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>
Darnell says fantasizing about being dominated doesn\u2019t suggest that you’re weak, or that your partner is in any way superior to you. <\/p>
\u201cFantasies involving power play may speak to a desire to gain or relinquish control regarding our private lives, work lives, or role in society,\u201d she says. \u201cPower dynamics in an erotic context create such sensorial arousal.\u201d<\/p>
$\"Fantasizing$
Fantasizing about being dominated doesn\u2019t suggest that you’re weak, or that your partner is in any way superior to you.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
2. Group Sex Fantasies<\/h3>
Nearly nine out 10 people fantasize about threesomes and group sex, according to the results of a study led by Lehmiller. Ideally, for most people in relationships, one of the people involved would be their partner.<\/p>
Psychologists have meanwhile associated frequent group sex and threesome fantasies to a desire to feel sexually competent and irresistible.<\/p>
\u201cThis makes sense because, in group sex scenarios, my participants described themselves as being the center of attention more often than not,\u201d says Lehmiller.<\/p>
\u201cWhen you have multiple partners who are fawning over you like this, this is likely to make you feel very attractive and desired.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>
That\u2019s probably why many women fantasize about participating in orgies.<\/p>
Some 57 percent of women actually daydream about having sex with more than three people at a time, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.<\/p>
$\"Psychologists$
Psychologists have associated frequent group sex fantasies to a desire to feel sexually competent and irresistible.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
3. Same Sex Fantasies<\/h3>
But while many women fantasize about group sex and threesomes, even more imagine themselves going doing the deed with another woman.<\/p>
In fact, Lehmiller\u2019s study found that 59 percent of women fantasize about having sex with other women.<\/p>
Of course, that doesn\u2019t mean that 59% of women are latent lesbians or even bisexuals.<\/p>
If you\u2019re a woman and you\u2019ve always been into men, a hot girl-on-girl<\/a> dream doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ve suddenly changed your sexual orientation, say the experts.<\/p><\/blockquote>
\u201cFemale on female sex focuses on oral and clitoral stimulation, and this is how many women orgasm,\u201d says Bromley.<\/p>
\u201cA fantasy about another woman could be about the desire to be pleasured in a way that women understand best.\u201d<\/p>
$\"If$
If you\u2019re a woman and you\u2019ve always been into men, a hot girl-on-girl dream doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ve suddenly changed your sexual orientation.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
4. Sex in a Public Place<\/h3>
The adventure of sex in a public or semi-public place has long been a popular fantasy among women.<\/p>
Some 57 percent of women entertain fantasies about having sex in a public place.<\/p><\/blockquote>
Dark alleys, public bathrooms, and movie theaters are common choices.<\/p>
\u201cThe thrill of getting caught or being on display for any unsuspecting passerby is high on the list of those looking to spice up their bedroom,\u201d says Daniel Saynt, founder of New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a private members club hosting regular workshops and events for safely exploring kink and sexuality.<\/p>
If you\u2019ve ever had sex at someone else\u2019s house, you\u2019d know why. The thrill of possibly being caught can be quite intoxicating. But some experts say there may be something more to these daydreams.<\/p>
\u201cThere\u2019s a sense of liberation and empowerment in fantasizing about having an audience and the idea that you sexually excite others with your performance and arousal,\u201d says Bromley.<\/p>
$\"Some$
Some 57 percent of women entertain fantasies about having sex in a public place.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
5. Sex with a Stranger<\/h3>
Ever had a sexy stranger show up in your dreams, or perhaps someone you\u2019ve never met in person? <\/p>
Nearly 50 percent of women report that they fantasize about having sex with a stranger, the survey in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found.<\/p>
\u201cThe anonymous \u2018stranger\u2019 fantasy permits people to avoid issues like attachment, intimacy, or jealousy,\u201d says David A. Levy, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist based in Los Angeles.<\/p>
The impersonal nature of a stranger fantasy may also indicate you\u2019re trying to detach yourself from something that has nothing to do with your relationships. That is, that you simply want to be free.<\/p><\/blockquote>
\u201cFantasies about sex with strangers may give expression to a desire to be free of pressure, duty, and responsibility to others in our day-to-day lives,\u201d says Darnell.<\/p>
\u201cOften times, such fantasies are about what that person represents rather than who they are.\u201d<\/p>
$\"Nearly$
Nearly 50 percent of women report that they fantasize about having sex with a stranger.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
6. Infidelity<\/h3>
You can be perfectly happy with your partner and still find yourself madly excited about the idea of cheating on them. The thrill might come from the danger of being discovered, the novelty of a new sexual connection, or something else entirely.<\/p>
Fantasizing about someone you know is partly due to the fact that they regularly show up in your real life.<\/p>
There is also the fact that mystery, curiosity, and imagination are all hallmarks of desire, says Bromley.<\/p>
However, if you find yourself excited by the idea of having sex with someone you dislike, that might mean something else.<\/p>
\u201cFantasies about a person we actively dislike may be a way of coming to terms with the dynamic and taking control of the situation in your mind to make peace with it in the real world,\u201d says Darnell.<\/p>
$\"You$
You can be perfectly happy with your partner and still find yourself madly excited about the idea of cheating on them.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
7. Rape Fantasies<\/h3>
They are more common than you might think. In some studies, up to two-thirds of female participants have admitted to having rape fantasies.<\/p>
That’s a startlingly high number. Most of us understand the heinousness, brutality, and monstrous nature of rape. So, why would any sane woman fantasize about it?<\/p>
To be clear, here is probably where the line between fantasy and reality is thickest. Women who have rape fantasies do not want to be raped any more than people who like the movie \u201cPsycho\u201d want to be butchered by a madman.<\/p><\/blockquote>
Researchers have found that the most common reason many women have rape fantasies is to bolster feelings of seductiveness and desirability…<\/p>
*I\u2019m so hot, I drive men crazy.<\/em><\/p>*
*This means that, for some, the arousal comes with the idea of having control ripped away by a man driven wild by one\u2019s allure.<\/p>*
*These fantasies also mean that women who enjoy sex without guilt or shame often feel free to imagine scenarios they\u2019d never want to experience in real life.<\/p>*
\u201cOne recent study has shown that the women who reported the most rape fantasies were also the most sexually open and self-accepting,\u201d says Dr Michael Yates, clinical psychologist at the Havelock Clinic.<\/p>
*\u201cThese women also had the most consensual sex fantasies.\u201d<\/p>*
$\"Women$
Women who have rape fantasies do not want to be raped any more than people who like the movie \u201cPsycho\u201d want to be butchered by a madman.<\/figcaption><\/figure>
\u201cTwo Kinds of People\u201d<\/h3>
Sexual fantasies are as normal as sex itself. In fact, one psychiatrist has commented that there are usually four people having sex at the same time. There are the two people occupying space in the bed and the two people they’re imagining.<\/p>
\u201cPeople fall into two groups,\u201d says Lehmiller. \u201cThose who have sexual fantasies and those who do not – and those in the second group are likely incredibly rare.\u201d<\/p>
I’d go one step further and say that the second group are either lying or are in denial! We *all<\/em> fantasize occasionally and some of us fantasize often.<\/p>*
*No matter what your fantasy might be, remember that your private thoughts don\u2019t define you. Your fantasy life is your fantasy life, until and unless you choose to make them into more.<\/p>*
*Be that as it may, whether your sexual fantasies are tame or wild, they can be a deep \u2013 and often necessary – well of joy and excitement.<\/p>*
*<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"*
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